Paranormal emotions.

I am writing this at the age of 25 and twenty five years from now, this writing is going to be my camera. I could shuffle back the twenty five years old  pictures of time in this camera. With no self love, no deaaAàaaAàaàsire, no goal, poor decision making and financial instability I am writing this to myself. I could go back and consider several other scenarios where I have failed myself miserablyaaàAàaaAa in decision making but some other time. I loose good people, sometimes parents and mostly myself. The problem is inside me and it's paranormal. Sometimes I ukeep fighting until the other person get hurt and sometimes I keep fighting myself until I get hurt. Sometimes I keep finding myself in other people and expect too much from them. Someone wise once said to me that this world is not a place for me, not sure what that person meant but his words are so surreal sometimes.

I don't know where I belong. It's not good to waste life like this, practical side says this to me sometimes. My present actions could impact my future life and my life after 25 years. The practical side don't want to see these ugly pictures in this camera. But the antagonist have different plans. The antagonist lives in present, he like multiple things at a time. He is so young and alive. He is far away from realities of life. The problem with antagonist is that he needs other people to rely upon. Antagonist mold himself with people. The antagonist don't have a stand, he hurts people sometimes. The world hate antagonist a lot. The actions of antagonist are so paranormal sometimes. I have no idea the person who is waiting to shuffle this camera after twenty five years is practical one or the antagonist. In country like India you need to check upon self livelihood first, the practical one said to me the other day. The antagonist could not enjoy life if practical remain unemployed. But what is there to enjoy? the antagonist asked. London trip, guitar, mountain trekking, scuba diving, roller coaster, music, books, wonderful people, writing and life. Right now the antagonist only have life and he is not seeking for the other things in list. Do I really want other things? the antagonist asked again. The answer lies within I know. I hope the practical and the antagonist will have a tight conversation someday and I want one of them to win otherwise these paranormal actions will keep going on and these ugly pictures going to be the part of this camera.

I have lost all the capacity to stand myself up and see the world with a clear vision. I have tried almost everything, made a friend who taught me a lot but I ended up hurting him too.

I could have stopped myself from completely loosing him but I couldn't. That moment was so paranormal in itself. Do I need friends? Nope. Do I need relationships? Nope. Do I care about anyone? Don't know. Do I need me? Don't know. What is that I am searching for? This antagonist is eating me alive. Practical one is loosing all his control over me. But I couldn't go far with this. I need myself more than anyone else around. My mental well-being is in my hand. I am crashed but not finished yet. I need to get my shit together and break the antagonist. I need to crush him into pieces and make sure those pieces are so fragile to gather up again. Practical one has to work harder to beat the antagonist because conference is not a solution. If I let antagonist win I will be finished. Steps to be taken for working this out:

1. Don't seek for external help. You are your own best friend. Only you can help yourself out in hard scenarios.

2. Stop having regret of loosing people. It's better to have less people in life. People consume lot of your energy and time.

3. Don't ever try to rejuvenate with people you have hurt before. Because nothing remains there. You will hurt them again or they will hurt you back.

4. Humans are just mere creature. They are not god. Remember this. No one is awesome. Only we empower them in our brain. Never do such a thing.

5. Never give your emotions to someone else so easily. Keep them to yourself unless you don't know the person completely.

6. Forget people. It's better to forget people rather than keeping them alive in our head. 

7. Don't get too much involve in anyone. Nobody is permanent. Not even you.

8. Never try to prove yourself in front of anyone. Be what you are. That's the most important thing.

9. Only your parents care about you more than yourself. Never try to hurt them. Keep this thing always in your head.

10. Never keep unwanted people in your headspace and in life.